Even in the dark — Psalms 139:11-12

Jesus is so good!!! Whoo, just had to get my virtual praise out the way honey because my God has been working lately.

This new year has started off slow and a tad bit bumpy. I always appreciate time to rest because I know when life ramps up, it does so with gusto. I enjoy the rest, but honestly some of my days have not gone the way I planned and that’s where the bumpiness rides in.

This year, I decided to try a new medicine to help with that whisper of ADD that starts talking sometimes when I am working or have a lot on my to-do list. I started a few days before new years, and the first few days were good, but one day I noticed an emotional cloud whirling around with a vengeance, one I hadn’t seen in months. The whole day had me spiraling up and down, dodging the pit of sadness and hopelessness, and fighting a lack of desire to do anything. I didn’t know what was going on, whether it was the medicine, or that in combination with my cycle, through none of my cycles had every caused this huge of an upheaval in my emotions. I felt overwhelmed. I hadn't felt this forceful of an emotional wind for months. I would have moments but they would pass, and I was seasoned enough to know that those moments were just feelings and not to trust them.

I cried out to the Lord and tried to find that firm foundation that I had been leaning on before. The Lord is faithful and steadied me as he always did. By this I mean, he gave me clarity in the dark haze. He assured me that this was not the same thing I had struggled with in a previous season of life and that I just needed to keep moving forward until it passed. He calmed me with a song by Avery Doreen called Let it Go,

Life can get so Hard

When you're in the dark

And you can't see what way your feet are going

I can't see the light

But he's my guide

When the distractions come my way

He steers my eyes

Your Word it gives me hope

Worth more to me than Gold

It's like a lamp to guide my feet and light my path

I won't fear the way ahead

Cause I know what you said

And nothing you say can come back void

Woke up with the weight of the world on my shoulders, God told me to let it go

Even as I write this and listen back to the song, the Lord is so good! It was exactly what I needed to hear. In those dark moments, or days of struggle, we need to release all of the emotions, uncertainty, and heaviness to the Lord. This can be different for everybody, maybe it’s pain from a heartbreak or betrayal closing in, maybe its grief from some sort of loss, or maybe it’s something else. The Lord sees us and is with us in the darkness. Invite him into it. Let it go, release it to him, don’t hide it. Don’t try to handle it on your own.

The next day, I felt a little better, but still felt a little unsettled in the mind. I didn’t feel as if my feet were steady on the ground yet. The Lord reminded me of the song again and told me to let yesterday go and any fear that came with it. I tried to do so.

The next day, I got sick, but it ended up being the biggest mercy and blessing from God. I canceled all my plans for that day and stayed home in bed sipping water, sleeping, eating soup, and reading. The Lord is with you wherever you go, never forget that. As I was reading, the character in my book gave a blessing over her friends—Psalms 139. This is a psalm I hold very close to my heart because it has gotten me through some extremely dark times.

Psalm 139:1-12

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
12     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.

Through these verses, the Lord reminded me that he was with me wherever I went and that he knew me. In Psalms 139: 3, it says, “You see me when I travel, and when I rest at home. You know everything I do.”. The Lord was with me in that room as I was sick, as I rested at home, he was close <3

Then in verse 12, the Lord shined a light on the darkness that had been gathering in a corner of my mind for days. For me, sometimes mental or emotional health feels so scary because the mind is so vast and it’s something you cannot see. Our minds are powerful and can do us harm or do us good. As I sat there reading my book, it’s like I saw the inside of my mind and realized that when there are areas I am unsure of or am unfamiliar with, it is not dark to him, and he is not afraid. Though I may experience confusion or uncertainty, those areas are bright as day to him. When my mind is foggy and unsettled, even there He is with me. He is my rock and firm foundation, He is not shaken.

Whatever is brooding and feels too big, I assure you it is not for him. The night is as bright as the day. So whatever your night is, remember that there is no land uncharted, nothing too dark for him. He can make sense of it.

After that, I felt more settled and moved on, but over a week later, I wasn’t feeling physically my best anymore, and just had a rough day. The Lord helped me sort through my feelings again and recognize truth despite the lies my feelings were trying to tell me. I talked to a friend for some wise counsel and then he gave me clarity again through the little wave of feelings. I was so grateful that he helped me identify the culprit of this little wave and gave guidance and instructions on how to move forward! Last night I doubted him a little bit which I should never do, but this morning he reminded me that he is always my friend, my wise counsel, my light in the dark that guides my feet on the path of light. I can always trust him so this is your reminder that you can too.

___________________

Psalm 119:105 (ESV) “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”