It’s okay to struggle
I think a lot of people struggle with their faith, and feel as if because they are struggling and going through the storms of faith, that the Lord is not with them or that they are a bad christian or can’t be a christian at all. The reality is, that in those times, that is where our faith is worked out. You are walking out your faith in Jesus as you keep holding on in those hard times and emotions. Faith is not faith if it’s not being exercised, this is the working of your faith.
I remember going through the darkest time I’d ever had in my entire journey of faith a few years ago. I was heartbroken and had just lost more than one friend all in one swoop. You know when the worst case scenario actually does happen? I was stunned, and did not have the words to explain how I got to the place I was or how to move forward. At the time I remember moving into my own apartment, and feeling the company of loneliness and pain at all times. Mind you this was peak covid so the limited social interaction and silence of the world was already deafening.
I share this to say, that used to feel so ashamed of those years. The years where I was struggling to believe in God’s promises, lean on him, see him or his goodness, and not give up altogether. I felt as if I was no longer a “good” christian who loved God with all of her heart, because I couldn’t give him this joyful bouncy faith filled girl anymore. I felt pain, depression, and darkness constantly, and He was too good for that. I felt like I was disappointing God, letting him down each time I struggled to have faith that everything was going to be okay.
Honestly, I don’t think that that I didn’t have faith that everything was going to be okay, I think I just thought faith was supposed to look different. Faith does not mean you’re exempt from pain. I think during those times, I felt like I was supposed to be happy if I truly had faith. Faith was not being angry at Jesus. faith was not doubting his plans. Faith was not grieving. If I truly trusted the Lord, then I wouldn’t be sad or hurt because I knew the Lord always has something better for us. This isn’t true. Faith is pursuing the Lord even when you don’t see where you’re going, even when you can’t give him anything beautiful or pretty, even when it doesn't feel good. Your surrender is enough. He is with you in the tough seasons. He is with you as you struggle. He is with you when you are afraid to trust him. He is by your side when all you have is rough along the edges. He is with you when you don’t know if he’s good, and struggling to believe it. He is faithful to you in it all.
He’s also not waiting for you to get it together. I dealt with so much shame because I felt like God was waiting on me to get over it, to heal, to mature, to feel better, but God revealed to me that He is with me in those times. He’s still there, a good friend, by your side through the hard times. I’ve written posts on this before, but your emotions, anger, pain, sorrow, they are not to be hidden or ashamed of. They are holy too. Read the Bible, see yourself.
Be with Jesus where you are. It’s okay to struggle, that does not mean you cannot follow Christ, keep pursuing him. He is bigger than your pain, emotions, doubts. Believe it or not, this is apart of something beautiful. God will guide you towards wholeness, healing, and hope again. He will restore your faith. He is the only one who can, so just keep moving forward. The process does not have to be pretty, really I think it’s a lie that it was supposed to. He is still with you in your process. He can handle it. I promise you it gets better. I’m praying the Lord sends you encouragement, and things to hold on to throughout your journey. He’ll send you sermons, a friend, a stranger, a bird, a butterfly, a song, a moment in time that will inspire you and shine a light in the dark places. He is bringing you out. He will provide refuge and relief, strength and rest when you can’t do it anymore. He did it for me, and so many others. I know he will do it for you too! In Jesus Name, Amen
